How to

Survive Christmas with Infertility

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…You know the song, but the reality can be very different. The holidays can be a difficult time if you were hoping to have a baby or at least be pregnant this Christmas season and it hasn’t happened for you. Marketing geared towards families and children abounds, and it can be hard to escape. If you find yourself in this situation this year, here are some helpful hints to survive Christmas with infertility.

Take care of your body – Think about taking up yoga, pilates, kick boxing or any other exercise class. Regular exercise has been shown to have the same effect in some people as an antidepressant…with no harmful side effects! If a class isn’t your thing, make a “happy mix” on your ipod and hit the trails for a good walk or run!

Avoid television and shopping malls – These are two areas where marketing runs rampant and the “perfect family” image sells. Instead, find a good book or go rent a movie that you have long wanted to see. Shop online for presents and take advantage of all the free shipping that is out there!

Treat Yourself – Now is not the time to be hard on yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself to a massage or pedicure. You deserve it. I always said that if you can survive infertility, you can survive anything!

Volunteer – If helping others makes you feel better – volunteer! There are many opportunities to do this through a church, community center, soup kitchen, nursing home or homeless shelter. It will help you realize that many people have difficult times and that the holidays are a lonely, sad time for lots of folks. Ever thought of passing out carnations to the residents at a nursing home? Making someone’s day with a small, thoughtful gesture will make you feel good inside.

Party with Adults ONLY – You may get an invitation to a Christmas party that involves children. Politely say NO, explain that you have other plans and feel NO GUILT about not attending. It’s about self-preservation, not about forcing yourself to attend parties you feel you “should”. No one has to know that your “other plans” involve snuggling with your dog.

Find a Support Person – Find someone who knows your situation that you can turn to for emergency help. I had a friend who would bike ride or go antiquing with me depending on what type of support therapy I needed. She knew not to talk about kids or my treatment. She offered just pure girlfriend support.

Have an Emergency List – On a good day, make a list of all the things that you have been meaning to do. Ideas can range from jobs around the house, books to read, movies to watch, places to visit, museums to discover or even new restaurants to try. I suggest writing the list down and taping it inside a kitchen cabinet. On a day when nothing is going your way, look at your list and pick something fun. Some of my most fabulous painting and sewing projects were a direct result of a negative pregnancy test!

Save the Christmas Cards – Getting those adorable family Christmas cards in my mailbox everyday was like some type of slow torture. I would sit, open them, feel happy for the family and then sad for myself. Why didn’t I have one of those to send out? Well, who says you have to open them? Put them in a basket out of sight. If you feel like opening them one day, then do it, but for now…put them away!

Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol, food or excessive spending. While it may initially feel good to do so, it inevitably makes you feel worse in the end.

Last but not least- if none of these suggestions seem like they will work for you, there is a last resort. Say goodbye to family and friends and hit the islands with your significant other. You’ll have plenty more holidays to celebrate…some other year!!!