Here we go!

The Chinese herbs that I ordered from Radiant Wonder.com made it here yesterday and I excitedly opened the box and went to bed since it was waaay past my bedtime at that point.

After work this morning I put aside hubbyman's and mine. I have started taking the Super Fertility #2 and decided to track the herbs when I do take them on my FF chart. Hubbyman sadly has an infected tooth and will not start his herbs until next week sometime since he has dental surgery on Monday. He's already starting his healthy eating which I am proud to see. Tonight he is going to cook up some quinoa and chicken breasts with some lovely veggies thrown in.

I'll chop up and wash some veggies for him so he can enjoy a lovely juice later. He will be home tonight since bending down is too painful for him and we do a lot of that at work.

I was almost crying as I opened the box with our herbs, thinking, "Oh my goodness! Our baby could be in here among all these lovely herbs" I hope this works however we are still putting aside money towards the BF just in case. I have also convinced hubbyman that should we not need IVF we can at least call this money towards baby's nursery and such :)

Oh happy day!

Blessings.

When? How long must I wait?

I always go through this whenever my period is around and well today is CD2. I am just so spent. I also noted a site that I encounter is now showing off the brand new birth boards for 2011. 2011?? Oh my goodness. I recall when I first joined that site, I joined the birth boards in 2006 thinking that we would be blessed with our little one and have them that year. Well, here we are still waiting. My heart aches at these times and I know one day I will celebrate with the most joy and then sometimes I get that ugly head that rears and tells me that no it will not happen. I am tool old. It is too late! I do not know why I listen to that voice, perhaps I do as I know that somehow it keeps me sane and on an even keel since surprises are not going to happen here since we have been waiting for a long time for our blessing. I am feeling very much left out too. So many girls from my BG on a site that is solely for those of us ttc our first are now being blessed with their BFPs left, right and centre. It is and has been very hard for me to even post there most days. I was the one that stated that IVF would be in my future soon and here we are postponing until next year and yet again one of the ladies there will be doing IVF this summer so perhaps I will be left behind as the lone one who cannot have the BFP title since everyone else moves on and yet here we are on the same page we have been on since we began this journey.

I am also frustrated by my hubbyman's reluctance to get into gear and get a family Dr so he can do his SA and bloodwork for Dr S our IVF Dr and he can call us back for that consultation that cost us $200. Oh well. I am fed up in having to keep on reminding him especially since he does the eye roll when I do, so he can do it himself. I knew in my heart I should have not sent that email to Dr S this morning as hubbyman would be stalling like this. This seems to be the story of my life with him, I want something for him to do for us and he takes his sweet ass time. I am so done with it all. Then when it gets like this I want to give up on the baby dream as I do not want to have a baby with my hubbyman when I am not liking him on a particular given day, you know?

I am so happy for the friends online who have been blessed most recently and I have a second dear friend who is about to have baby #3 since we met online. How sad! Here I am praying for #1 and she is blessed with her 3rd in all the time I have known her. Oh well. I believe God does not give us more than we can handle. I guess I can handle this time of patience and growing even thoug it hurts to the core at times.

On a good note our Chinese herbs should be in the mail some tie this week if not next and I am eager to feed hubbyman his pills and find out if truly he will benefit after 90 days on them. I JUST WANT A BABY, A HEALTHY BABY!!!! :*(

Time for bed...

Thankful!

I just remembered that this Thursday we get our Profit Share cheque since we work for a company that loves to share their profits with their employees. We should get a fair bit since we both qualify for the 6+ month service. I can put all of ours into our BF and watch as it grows nicely. So, keep your eyes on that ticker and watch as it gets moving a bit at a time ;)

Blessings.

He is risen!

Easter Sunday. The tomb was empty. He lives!

Thank You LORD for the blessing of this day and the beautiful sunrise that you painted for me as I cycled back home from work. The moon looked perfect nestled near my fave mountain peak.

I am blessed!

We have a new date!

Looks like I was SO wrong as we are looking at March 2011 (the year I did NOT want to start of not being pregnant!) for the start of our IVF.

According to my calculations we should have enough money in the BF by then in order to afford flights, ferry crossings, motel stays along with food, cycle and meds.

Oh well it feels like a decade away however what is another few months considering we have been waiting for so long in the meantime.

In the interim we are going to use some Chinese herbs and get healthy with good food and exercise.

Praying that we will be blessed accordingly!!

Blessings.

Hopeful - yet again!

We went to the hospital to try and get hubbyman's SA and bloodwork and was not successful since we do not have a family Dr. So, first thing Monday morning we are going to rectify that and try and get his tests done with our Dr's approval so that Dr H can get some info about what is going on with his SA and blood.

While on the way to the hospital I had a bit of a meltdown and wept. Hubbyman unsure about the direction he is going in since the diagnosis with his father and wanting to go back to Ontario so we can be closer to them has now decided that he is unsure about that now. So he stated that since I am all about wanting us to grow our family and he is too that we should go ahead with IVF and then onto bigger and perhaps better things as we consider what God has in store for us and how this may mean a big move. Anyway I do not want to get into that here without praying and seeking God about it more.

For now we are hoping to do this IVF cycle in the Autumn and then from there we shall see. We are banking on this one time and should it fail we shall gather our eggs and see where we shall lay them as to speak.

I am so hopeful right now that I could pop! I feel more peace and quiet happiness within when just a couple of days ago my heart and body was quite weary. I love it when I know the first place I should go is to Him, my God and instead I usually run straight to the freezer for that scoop (or 2!) of ice cream. Anyways thankfully my vices in food are not too great that they have a significant effect upon me however, I am hoping that I will continue on the healthy eating and juicing path that I was on when hubbyman was back East with his parents.

For now I am taking each day as it comes and trying my best to see the good in it all and hope to God that perhaps this year we WILL be pregnant before 2011!!!

Blessings.