:(

I am so sad about this whole baby thing. Life in general is going well. I finally got a fantastic pay rise at work and will be switching over to days after working the night shift for so long. I miss my Dad (FIL) so much and wish he was stil here, the only comfort I get from him being gone is the fact that he is no longer in pain and suffering.

My hubbyman has not been good at taking his Chinese herbs and now I feel like I bought these herbs for nothing. I stumbled across a really cool site where there is a guy who helps people with MFI issues. He states that Vitamin C can make a huge impact to a man's sperm in regards to motility in 30 days. 30 days! I cannot get my man to take his pills for 7 days in a row let alone 30. The standard scale for wanting to see changes in sperm parameters is 90 days, so I know I am dreaming if I think this can be done. It just pains me so much that all I want is a baby and it feels like this is not the same desire for him. Actions speak louder than words for me so it is really hard to see someone state that they do care and make no changes to their life. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

Another factor is that last weekend he was not well and had to be taken to the hospital. He is diabetic and has been told for years that he needs to address it. Even I have nagged him constantly to no avail. He watched his father suffer terrible side effects from diabetes before he died and I thought this would imapct him. That's what he told me anyway.

Venting and feeling better about getting that out there...

Feb 11 1932 - May 11 2010

To my FIL who passed away today.

We love you and miss you.

Love is...

Where are the mourners?

The article below really got me thinking.

As one who no longer attends church due to several reasons, including not being able to fine one that I love like I did when we lived in our last home, I am finding this journey quite lonesome. There are times when I cannot even talk with my hubbyman as I am sure he thinks I am nuts for feeling the way that I do.

http://blog.bible.org/tapestry/content/infertility-and-mother%2526%2523039%3Bs-day:-where-are-mourners%3F

Happy Mother's Day Nia and every other woman longing to be a mother

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/08/if-you-dont-have-anything-nice-to-say-on-mothers-day/

The herbs

are making me go toilet 2x a day which isn't bad, I am just used to going once is all.

Anyway I am liking the herbs and by starting this post, I am also reminding myself to take my almost missed dosage before heading to bed.

The weekend is here! Yay!

Happy May!