Does it matter?

Sometimes I do not think so. It cannot if that is how some people behave!

(Sorry just venting to myself!)

Still here...waiting

It's seems a long way off till we can do this, so I so very thankful to the promotion at work along with a fantastic pay increase. Today I got paid after doing a ton of overtime over the past couple of weeks and believe me, a huge chunk of that is already designated for the BF.

Now all we need is hubbyman on board with a day job with me and then we shall be abe to save a bit more in order to try and do this next year.

I still need to get him to to gis tests for Dr H and then we can see how he can help us. Perhaps IVF may not be the option we need if hubbyman can get his diabetes in check. I don't know. All I know is time is of the essence and I sure would LOVE to be pregnant by next year the latest. If this doesn't happen I am going to set my baby dream down and let it die a natural death. I do not want to be too old when we have our child and besides, I do know there are stories of others having their wee ones later in life, however, for me, I do not want to be 42 and expecting. I am giggling now thinking that now that I have made plans, God is laughing!

Anyway, the pain is less today than it has been. I am thankful that work is keeping my eyes away from the pangs of motherhood and such.

Blessings.

Continuing to struggle

It has been and continues to be a hard month for me this month. Father's Day is fast approaching and well, he isn't a father yet. We are also going to be without Dad (FIL) this Sunday. It will be strange not calling and not hearig his voice.

It comes in waves, my heart and body aching so very much for the missing child(ren) in our lives. I am glad that hubbyman is away right now with the boys so I can just sit and listen to my thoughts as I spend time in the presence of God.

How does anyone with the pain of IF carry on? It is getting harder and harder. If not for my hubbyman and promotion at work that keep me so busy and focused elsewhere, I do not know where I would be. Perhaps in a funny farm. My heart is breaking every ovulation. Every period. Now that I work days, I am seeing so many newborns, pregnant mamas, prams with young ones inside and still my belly is flat.

I hope and pray that God blesses us or better yet, takes away this desire should our dream not come into fruition.

Still trying to believe and remain hope-filled in times of hopelessness. I know it is not that bad...God reminds me to remember Job when I feel the way that I do!

Blessed, even while suffering with PI...

Interesting article...

A friend back in England just found out that her 5th IVF cycle failed. I am not only heartbroken for her, I am finding myself sad for us. Not sure if we can afford it, perhaps soon we will give back the monies donated to us for this. We shall see. Oh and today my period started so this is cycle #70. 70 cycles since we started trying.

http://www.aolhealth.com/condition-center/pregnancy/failed-ivf.html

So sick!

I have an awful cold that hubbyman brought back with him from back East. Joy! I usually get sick once every 3-5 years with a cold, but this one is a pain. My throat is so very sore and even yawning hurts my throat. I wonder what it is. I had strep once and it was not this bad. Oh well. I guess I must ride it out until it passes.


Off to google sxs....